A Paralyzing Fear

August 12, 2008

# 5


I met Bruce outside my office.  He was wearing a suit, shinny black shoes and a beautiful long black wool coat.  He looked so handsome, professional, and perfect.  I walked ahead of him into my office and in turning toward Bruce, he grabbed my hands.  The air in my office seemed so stale, so motionless.  I couldn’t get the air I needed to breath.  Without hesitation, Bruce told me the cause of his back pain was stemming from tumors…and they are presenting themselves in multiple places. 

“Why Lord?  Why now?  Bruce is one of yours…why would you want to risk his life at a time when he can do so much for you?”

I didn’t understand.  I wanted to wake up.

“Please, someone, wake me up.”  

“What about the kids?”

How do you tell your children that their Daddy has tumors that are presenting themselves in multiple places?  What a joke!  What an ugly thing to say.  I knew it was cancer – but how do you tell your children that such a terrible judgment has just been placed on their Daddy, whom they love so much. 

Later that evening we would tell the kids.  It was one of the hardest things the two of us have ever done together.  I’ll never forget their reactions. 

Nicole cried.  Blake simply said, “Dad, are you going to die?”


What paralyzing fear is constricting your heart?  Where do you go when you’re at a loss for words?  How do you respond when life hands you a bucket of lemons?  In all things we are to praise God, but how do you praise God when fear encompasses your very being. 

We’re told when life gives you lemons, make lemonade.  Clichés are cute, but no one ever tells you how to turn things around…to make sense out of the senseless.  God does.  We just need to ask.

Dear God:

My life is a mess right now.  Life has given me lemons and I don’t even have the strength to squeeze them to make something good come out of this.  I’m scared Lord and can’t even imagine what tomorrow will look like if today is this dark. Please help me and take over this paralyzing fear I feel.  Through the power of your Holy Spirit, may you give me the strength and your peace to face another day.”


“Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you.  I do not give to you as the world gives.  Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.”

                                                                                                John 14:27

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